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Talking Points

10 Things Not To Do On The Mountain

One of the greatest things about snowboarding is its freedom from rules and regulations, allowing you to devote yourself more fully to the goodtime gnar.

However, no one wants to be a dick, or an injured dick for that matter, so while the rules are unwritten, there are some things to consider so you don’t end up with ‘pained dick’ as your epitaph..

With that in mind we this list of in-bounds faux pas to avoid. Never should you ever…

Cut People Up

Eero Ettala and Heikki Sorsa know each other so well it’d be almost impossible for them to get in each others’ way. You + random will be different. Photo: Sami Tuoriniemi

Those in front of you don’t have eyes in the back of their heads. As such, if you’re up hill or behind someone it’s your responsibility to avoid them. Make sure you give them plenty of room when you’re passing, giving yourself enough space if they randomly change direction (older skiers on cat tracks are terrible for this) and try to anticipate their movements so you don’t come close or collide.

This goes especially for people who you can see aren’t as good at riding as you think you are.

Ride shit, smalL, flat-landing punter jumps

There’s no surer way of giving yourself a good and proper breaking than trying to get your stunt on off those innocuous little kickers that Satan himself builds near the piste.

These deceptive monstrosities might look appealing to throw something off, but they will be rutted, whippy and no doubt send you onto your head onto ice cookies of death. Avoid like the plague and your body will thank you for it.

Ride Without Eyewear At Any Time

These might have worked for the Inuit but they won’t work for you.

Even if it’s greybird or whiteout, there’s plenty of UV out there flying around just itching to burn your retinas to a cinder.

Going blind simply is no fun whatsoever, so make sure you’ve got your peeper protectors on lock.

Send it over a blind roller…

… without having someone to spot the landing for you. Even if you know what’s on the other side like the back of your hand, you’ll have no way of telling if some mouthbreather has decided to rest their bones on the blindside.

Needless to say, don’t decide to have a picnic on the blindside of a roller either… or a kicker in the park for that matter.

Drop Litter

It would be shit to ride that.

Chocolate bar wrapper, fag butts, snus… only an utter, utter dick would drop anything on the mountain – or anywhere to be honest – so don’t be that dick. 

Most snowboard outerwear is armed with more pockets than any reasonable person has use for, so use one for all your crap till you can put it in a bin somewhere. Yes, that includes said fag butts – it’s not like you don’t reek already.

Say ‘last run’

Yo, Imma take one last lap through the park. See you at the bar, yeah?

You may be unwittingly letting your guard down or, worse, cursing yourself. Mindless superstition, we know, but it’s a habit we ain’t gonna break.

This homie was clearly all “Ja, Trond. Imma just slay the pro line one more time then we go to the bar and tell every chick we see how G I am. Last run! Dropping!”

Ride drunk

It’s generally a bad idea, and most likely illegal. Only acceptable if your name’s Shaun Palmer and it’s 1990.

Do Short turns in powder

Sylvain Bourbousson knows fast and long is the way to go. Photo: Matt Georges

The only time it’s acceptable is when you’re weaving through trees. Otherwise, fast and big all the way to leave more virgin fresh for the next lap.

We’re not skiers and 8s are lames.

Get up and start riding without checking behind you

Valerian Ducourtil even checks behind himself when riding pow, so the least you can do is have a scope before starting to ride. Photo: Matt Georges

Just like when driving a car, check around you for anything incoming before you pull off. This applies in the park of course – you don’t want to be setting off for your minishred handplant of destiny while unwittingly cutting off homie who’s gunning to gap the down-flat-down.

Make sure it’s clear or you won’t be getting in the way before you get up and go.

Yell Angrily at punters doing any of the above

Rather than giving less enlightened riders an earful, a death stare or shaking them violently, take them aside and explain to them what they’re doing is dangerous and why.

More often than not, tourist or beginner riders are simply unaware of mountain etiquette and haven’t set out to give you the right arsehole. A quiet word goes a long way.

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