Yes, we are aware of the fact that news channels have to keep the ratings as high as possible. The Olympic teams should be presented in the best and most impressive way possible and on top of that, you have to trigger heavy patriotism for this one. It’s countries competing against each other after all. With an international event like that you need to keep the masses satisfied and as we all like to think of ourselves, we are way above the average viewer. Still, there is no denying that some of them just really heavily provoke the “WTF?" expression in our faces, when all that’s left is wondering where along the way this just went downhill.
The official Olympic Teaser above is by far not the worse but it kept reminding us of a really trashy nightclub circa 1995, Eurodance music is on top of its game and the people around you are popping ecstasy pills as if they were candy. Click on the photo of the two Austrian dudes cuddling it up in fierce outfits (they maybe should have gotten one size bigger) to watch the madness go down.
For your sake we spent a fair amount of our precious office time cruising through awkward, dramatic and at times, even slightly entertaining Olympic teasers to collect this best-of list for you. Be prepared for Russian Tina Turner, snowboarding's very own Lord of the Rings and a guide to pushy parenting.
[part title="USA's 12 days of Sochi disaster"]
Even though we presented you this truly weird piece of film before, we still don’t want to exclude it from the list because, more or less, it was our main inspiration for this post. It is really hard to even make a start as to what is the most awkward thing about it. Is it athletes who can’t seem to hit one note correctly but were still forced to sing? Is it the fact that they not only had to sing but also jump around as if they were in a really bad episode of Dance Moms? Or might it just be the obvious expressions on their faces, that they’re really, really not feeling this? Click on Scotty Lagos uncomfortable face to watch the whole catastrophe.
[part title="Belgium's Dramatic Snowboarding Team"]
The black and white thing does bring a certain drama level to it, but this might just be the cleverest teaser we’ve seen. It seems like the marketing guys behind this actually spent more than five minutes on the question of how to smartly represent the Belgium Olympic Snowboarding Team. And none of them were high, which we’re not sure you could, for example, say about the US marketing team.
[part title="P&G Canada's Pushy Parenting"]
P&G Canada went all emotional on that one. Basically it is a 101 guide to pushy parenting and leaves you with the conclusion that you absolutely have to make your kids work hard until they cry, because if you didn't make it anywhere impressive in life, later on you can at least feed off your kid's fame and glory. As Procter & Gamble basically owns half of the world you should probably take their advice if you want to go big in someone's life.
[part title="Russian Hockey Team Music Video feat. Tina Turners daughter"]
We do admit that this doesn’t feature any other winter sports than ice hockey but apparently the USA isn’t the only one who had the banging idea of forcing their athletes to sing. Saying that, Russia did a bit better by adding not only auto-tune, but a woman who might just be Tina Turners long lost Russian daughter. Big up for that, Russia! Also, you shouldn’t miss the fighting scenes at 2:38, cause who wouldn’t want to see gigantic Russian fists flying?
[part title="BBC Sport's Over The Top"]
No, this is not the trailer for a new sequel to Lord of the Rings. It’s BBC feeling the need to be a bit more dramatic than everyone else and thus hiring British actor Charles Dance, famous for his role in Game of Thrones, to voice over their teaser. We’re not sure if you actually need armies of wind and rain and snow to make the Winter Olympics happen, but then again, Tywin Lannister should probably know about this stuff as it’s like, really cold all the time in Game of Thrones. So good luck in conquering nature!
[part title="Poetic Canada"]
Impressively enough Canada made it to the list a second time. But we kinda have a feeling that BBC’s director actually just adopted a new name and basically copy-pasted his first teaser, threw in some other random words that haven’t been used by anyone on this planet for a couple centuries and called it a night. At $14 Million this is allegedly the largest campaign they ever launched so we would really like to see his „Cashed in double, suckersss“-face.
Apparently the dramatic music plus voice-over trend is really on-point right now in the cool kids marketing circle, because NBC opted for that one too. The best part of it probably is the scenic close-up shot of American poster boy Shaun White, where you’re not quite sure if his look means that he’s determined to win or just really needs to pee. At the end, when they made him say "bigger" twice, he looks relieved, so our guess is that they finally allowed him to take a wee. Seems like NBC really wants you to to visit their youtube page because they blocked everyone from embedding the video. So make the effort and tickle Shaun's nose with a click, you don't want to miss this.
[part title="Honorary Mention: Mario & Sonic at the Sochi 2014 Winter Olympic Games"]
This thing really has nothing to do with actual sports, as in being done by human beings, but it kept popping up (a lot) during our search for teaser treats. But you have to give it to them for being less embarrassing than a lot of the other videos in this list and including actual sports action. Luckily Nintendo warned us before watching, because apparently there is „Mild Cartoon Violence“ shown here, so keep your kids away from this goddamn slaughter fest.