1. Inspired by a certain Vancouver incident, Russia will produce smaller and lighter medals that will fit around your waist easily and thus attract the opposite sex. In contrast to the last Winter Olympics, where the hash key was still a useless button on your phone, it was now decided to hashtag these new medals as #ruttingbronze, #ruttingsilver and #ruttinggold.
2. The boot grab has its origins in Russia, coming from the word ботинки/batinki and is thus considered the premium class grab in the Sochi Winter Olympics.
3. Putin is going to do the first run in each discipline. His halfpipe run will consist of a quadruple 1800, a double McPutin and a huge Method Putin. Over at slopestyle, Bob Costas volunteered to do the first run together with Johnny Knoxville.
4. For refreshments, visitors and athletes will be provided with Vodka-fountains that are going to be spread around the Olympic Village. The Australians are not allowed to drink from them.