A Guide to Snowpark Etiquette (Parkiquette) - Onboard Magazine

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A Guide to Snowpark Etiquette (Parkiquette)

Now we know that over 50% of the Onboard crew are British, but this isn’t about using the correct dessert spoon, whether or not you should lie down in a puddle and allow ladies to walk over you, or whether you’re meant to address the Queen as Ma’am like ham, or Ma’am like farm (Nobody fucking knows by the way).

Park etiquette – it’s super simple stuff.

Scroll down and get yourself some knowledge…

Don’t be a Snake

You know that moment when you’ve got your shit together; your pump up tune is playing, you’ve visualised your trick, you’re ready to go and then BAMN, some mutha ucker, uckers with your shit and you get snaked.

Don’t be that guy. Unless you’re planning on sending your trick to flat, there’s probably no need to take a rolling start. Join the pack and wait your turn.

Call Your Drop

When you are ready to drop, call your drop. All it takes is a little glance around the pack and then you stick your hand up. Easy as pie.

Of course in an ideal world, the park would consist entirely of British people that would queue orderly until the four horsemen of the apocalypse started running amok, but that rarely happens.

Don’t forget to space your drop though. Unless you’re riding with someone you know that’s not going to go all wildman and stack it in the landing, it’s best to leave enough room inbetween drops.

As a rule of thumb, we personally wait for the rider to have cleared the next feature before we drop.

Don’t Stop Mid-Line

This is the one thing that annoys us the most about parkiquette…

Just as you’ve got your flow going, you send it into the next kicker, landing blind and as you look up, you see that there’s another random fucking queue in the middle of the line. You slam on the brakes, smash into someone and the next thing you know, it’s like a weird clothed orgy of people in a heap, but more painful and with poles.

Now, if someone’s bailed on the landing, just roll round the side of that feature – there’s absolutely no need to stop! Yep, we’d all like to hit that feature, but flow is 90% of snowboarding…JUST KEEP IT MOVING.

Look Uphill Before Changing Lines

So you’ve come through a line and you reckon you want to channel your inner Danimals and switch it all up. That’s sick, congrats – but you’ve gotta look uphill first.

This is what we like to call the accidental snake. Everybody does it without realising, but all it takes is a quick glance uphill and it can make the difference between being the most courteous rider in the park and an absolute wanker.

If You Like It, Let ‘Em Know

We’ve been to some parks that have less atmosphere than a funeral. If you like something, let ’em know. Such favourites are as follows;

Yewwwwwwww” – As favourited by Aimee Fuller.

Cheyahhhhhhhh” – As favourited by Jon Weaver.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh” – As favourited by Peter Griffin.
(Only if a bail)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh” – As favourited by Wilhelm.
(Only if you’re overshooting)

As a wise man once said “Only he who gives props, can receive them

Don’t Bite Off More Than You Can Chew

Do you know what I’d like to do? I’d like to boost 23ft out of the pipe like Shaun White, bust a switch method that’d make Danny Davis proud, and then get on a Kazu styled rampage on the lip.

Does that mean I’m gonna approach the 22ft wall of a superpipe at mach 10? No, caus I’m not a fucking idiot and I actually quite enjoy being able to walk.

We would consider this park etiquette ‘caus if you’re not in control of your riding, you’re a danger to those in the park around you as well.

(Also)

You see a lot of riders going for the ‘huck and hope’ method of riding. Whilst you might progress faster, you’re going to look rubbish if you’re trying to huck 7’s when you don’t have board control.

Learn your trade! Spend time getting your basic spins on lock in all four directions. That’s the platform on which all further spins are built on. You wouldn’t build a house on a marsh, so why would you try switch backside 900’s if you can’t do a bolts backside 540?

Be a Good Guy/Be More Like Eero Ettala

Whilst all of this is valid advice, you’ve got to remember one thing that every single snowboarder forgets at times; you were a rookie once.

Whilst the temptation to scream, shout and beat the living shit out of people who don’t follow the rules – the person you’re shouting at is probably just going to think that you’re an aggro bastard.

We refer to the story of Bob Hoover, a stunt pilot whose plane was filled up with the wrong type of fuel. The plane almost crashed, but using his skills, he landed the plane, returned to the airfield and said this to the chap that fuelled his plane;

“There isn’t a man alive who hasn’t made a mistake. But I’m positive you’ll never make this mistake again. That’s why I want to make sure that you’re the only one to refuel my plane tomorrow. I won’t let anyone else on the field touch it.” 

We’d all rather take kindness over cruelty at the end of the day.

Be Nice to Groms

We remember being short in the tooth young rippers taking our first tentative steps into the world of spinny flips and twhirly birds. We remember it being really fucking intimidating as well.

However, once in a while we’d get some props from an older rider, or a tip from a rider that was slaying it. That’s one of the keys of getting younger riders stoked on riding.

Plus, it makes you look like an adorable bastard to all the hot chicks out there. Chicks dig boys that are good with kids.

If Someone Goes Down, Help ‘Em

There are two main crashes that you get at the park. The most common is that the rider bails, slides down the landing, but pops back up and rides out to the side. Easy.

The one to watch out for, is when a rider goes limp. This is generally trouble. Think Sarka Pancochova at Sochi or Halldor Helgason at X Games. When they slide with no movement and the board digs into the snow, you know they’re in trouble.

BLOCK THE KICKER!

Whilst your first reaction might be to go straight to the injured person, you’re not going to be much help if someone lands on you, caus then you’ve got three people injured.

If there’s someone around, get ’em to stand in front of the feature. If nobody else is around, take off your board and lay it in front of the feature.

Once it’s blocked, you can get to them and make a medical assessment from there.

You’re Not There For the View

The most widely known, but ignored rule of parkiquette.

Take-offs, landings and knuckles are NOT the place to stand.

Replace this video with a snowpark, and people standing on the knuckle will give you an idea of what’ll happen.

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