Does your bank account have more numbers than a telephone number? Well this is the gift guide for you!
If you appear on the Forbes Rich List or own Exxon, you probably haven’t seen a 5 euro note since 2001. It can be difficult to find a present for the person who owns everything, so here are our Christmas recommendations….
| Price: €1.69 million |
Have you ever put on an old jacket or jeans and found a tenner in the pocket? Well, you’re going to need a fair few pairs of jeans to afford the Eurocopter A350 B2.
The American designed helicopter holds the world record for the highest altitude touched down after rescuing climbers from Annapurna I, Nepal in 2005 at 8,091m. Based on that, we reckon you’re probably going to be alright on any backcountry missions you have in mind. With space for a pilot and 5 other people, it’s a chopper the whole family can enjoy!
The one above is second hand, but it comes from the Texas Police Department, so there’s probably some really cool bloodstains on the seat or something.
Ski-Doo Freeride 137
| Price: €13,000 |
When the chopper is in the shop, you're going to need another ridicolous transport method to get you around the mountain, and as we all know, hiking/skinning is so overrated when you have a better credit rating than Switzerland.
Luckily, Ski Doo have got you covered with the Freeride 137! The nimble number from the American company is designed not for high-elevation runs (that's what the chopper's for!), but low level missions in the trees.
It comes in either 'snot green' or 'bogey green' in Henry Ford style, but if you've got some pocket change, you can always put some sweet flame decals on it...
DC MTN Lab
| Price: €5.6 million |
Every evil millionaire needs a secret lair and luckily if you're an evil genius that enjoys ye olde neige, Ken Block has saved you the trouble of building your own lab.
The 89,000m2 property in Park City, Utah, comes equiped with 8 snowmobiles, 2 dirtbikes and more rails and boxes than an Ikea wardrobe.
The only slight problem is that your neighbours are in actual fact against the idea of the place being a private snowboard park, so you might have a few issues with the old residents association. Our tip would be to get in touch with Sepp Blatter on the best way to bribe 'em.
PistenBully 400 Park Pro Plus W
| Price: €147,000 |
As Confucius once said* "He who owns a Pisten Bully 400 Park Pro is one badass mother, that don't take no crap off nobody".
Confucius was right, because with the PistenBully 400 Park Pro, you'll be able to groom, push and churn up snow until your hearts content. The 137" reach of the front blade means you can build a whippy kicker that'll make a hip look mellow with ultimate control.
This second hand model comes complete with winch so you'll be able to groom the steepest of landings with minimal risk of death. Plus, as it's your own resort, you don't have to worry about people taking selfies near the cable.
*Confucius definitely never said this.
| Price: €3000 |
When one decides to leave ones private abode and hit the 'streets', one generally believes in doing so in style. With your own winch, you can make the youths look like the poor homeless wee bastards they actually are.
There are many plans and blueprints online on how to build your own, but manual labour is above you when you have more than 6 digits showing on your bank account. Better yet, get Dan Brisse to make you one or hire an elite SWAT team to go in and steal his for you.
Private Training Facility
| Price: € Depends on how big your wallet is |
Airbags are too mainstream these days. Fuck, you can even hire them for kids birthday parties.
One up little Jimmy's 10th party with a Neverland Ranch of freestyle fun for the whole family with your own private training facility. You can literally build anything you fancy, it's your money!
Doppelmayr 8-Person Lift
| Price: €7.7 million |
As we previously established, walking is not an option. So when all else fails, it's good to have an emergency 8 seater chairlift to get you to where you need to be. It even comes complete with heated seats powered by solar panels because you're an environmentally friendly oil baron.
When you're bored, you could also send Snapchats to Kim Jong Un on his lame old skanky chairlift to cheer you up.