2. The None

When Jake Burton and Tom Sims started beating the drum that would eventually draw legions of people into their emerging cult, much like that weird bit in Avatar with the tree that I never quite understood, they were so punk rock that they thought ‘To hell with Snurfing and their bobbles. We’re young and will fight the power by not wearing hats in the mountains! Behold our flowing locks and weep at their sheen!’

4. The Snapback

Of course, as everyone knows, in sideways cool there is a Pyramid of Power. The basement dwellers are kitesurfers, SUPers, mountainboarders… sorry, getting off track there. The point is those occupying the penthouse suite in said pyramid have always been, and will continue to always be, skateboarders. And as a lot of skateboarders saw snowboarding as a fun thing to do in winter (not to mention a bunch of other snowboarders who just ape skateboarding), so the snapback became the headwear of choice for the early 90s freestylers. They were more stylish, but as equally unsuited to the mountains, as headbands.

5. The Twat Hat

Perhaps spurned by the likes of Shaun Palmer, who lest we forget rocked a pre-Prodigy guy clown haircut, weird jester-styled hats or hyper-long radical elf ones were commonplace for a season or two in the early 90s. Interestingly, half of the tourists in Austria are still stranded in this time period when it comes to headwear. That said, Tim Eddy loves to rock one these days, seems to be a cool guy, and can certainly wield a snowboard in an entertaining manner, so who knows… they could be mad hype once more in 2017.

7. The Peaked Beanie

In 1997, Mack Dawg Productions released Simple Pleasures and ushered into the mainstream something that had been bubbling under the surface for a season or two: urban jibbing. At the forefront of this movement were JP Walker and Jeremy Jones, so when they rocked something you could bet your bottom dollar that you would follow, even though you probably shouldn’t have. Peaked beanies are in this category.

8. The Do-Rag

Also in this category, but infinitely worse, is the do-rag. The late 90s to early 2000s were when Walker, Jones et al were in their pomp. I’m guessing they were listening to a lot of hip-hop and got it into their heads that because they hung out on the streets and listened to rap, then it was a logical step to appropriate the look of G-childs from the inner city. Straight chilling to some Mormon-Funk and that. Again, legions followed their lead and parks from Park City to Laax to Tamworth were clogged with young, white, over-privileged snow-males pretending to be from the ‘Hood’.

9. The Ear Flap Beanie

Popularised by native south Americans and Nicolas Müller, these took the regular beanie, extended it south over the ears, occasionally added questionable dangly bits off the ear flaps and, if they had good sense, a bobble too. Nicolas was right in the midst of his come-up back in the late-early-pre-mid-2000s and seeing him pulling his deft tweaks with his nouveau-Swisse style made me want one. And I got one. And I was stoked. The Burton one with the headphones built in was a bit much, mind.

11. The Hyper-Extended Deflated Bobble

You might have guessed already, but the bobble beanie is – in my humble opinion – the greatest bit of cold-weather headwear ever created (unless you live in a major metropolis; it could very well get you knifed there). But what is not great is when it became fashionable, for at least two seasons around 2004, to take one, unfurl the ear-warming fold, pull the whole thing up, and having the bobble sit in some weird saggy crater at the top. That was just shit.

12. The Condom

My memory of the time is cloudy – I’d just started working for Onboard and was thrown headfirst into the ‘all night party/all day ride and pretend to report on snowboarding’ thing. But it was just before the Hyper-Extended Deflated Bobble, at the same time, or shortly after, that the trend was to don a rather tight, long beanie that unfortunately ended up looking like you were wearing a johnny on your bonce. It was only in hindsight that I realised that wearing one made you look like that lad from East 17, or a sheathed penis.

13. The Jacques Cousteau

Geoff Rowley and his skateboarding friends had been rolling up the nether regions of their beanies in the fashion of the original boss, Monsieur Cousteau, for several years but it was only around 2008 that snowboarders had the balls to tuck up the lower couple of inches of faux-wool acrylic. The rest, as they say, is history and nigh-on 8 years later it’s still the headwear look of choice for anyone whose ever watched a snowboard movie… damn, those are dead now. I mean snowboard edit.

15. The Fishing/Bucket Hats

First spotted adorning some hesh hipster kids going mental in the slush of Mt Hood, such headwear is naturally predominantly a spring/summer thing (though teaming it up with a balaclava… hell, why not?!). Over a couple of seasons the size of these hats’ brims reduced, till today when you’ll find all manner of buckets adorning the brain boxes of on-message park rats the world over once the sun comes out.

NEVER FORGET…

Oakley Predator Hat Thing

Ruroc Thing

This Thing

That Thing