hollywood snowy mountain

Shit son, Hollywood just can't get snowboarding right can it?

This week the Disney channel added to a long list of movie offences with their trailer for the film Cloud 9, a Shaun White produced, cheesy as hell teenage drama that almost makes us want to jump ship on snowboarding altogether and go bury our heads in a termite's nest.

Although they may not all be fresh out of American big budget studios, this has to be the final strike for mainstream movies. Surely they've been pushing things for far too long.

So to battle cringe with cringe, we've put together this trial of cinematic crimes. We found a selection of clips that actually contain snowboarding and still manage to suck - but just how bad are they? You be the jury...

[part title="1. Hot Tub Time Machine"]

Offences:

a) 'Black diamond' is the oldest line in the book, and they're definitely not riding one.

b) Apparently (despite them existing for what, 20 years?), nobody in 1986 knows what a snowboard is....

WHACKOMETER (Just how cheesy is it?)

[part title="2. A View To A Kill"] [splitpost intro="true"]

Offences:

That's not James Bond, that's Tom Sims, duh

WHACKOMETER (Just how cheesy is it?)

[part title="3. Johnny Tsunami"]

Offences:

-Snowboarding and Disney have enough clichés on their own, they should probably avoid each other.

WHACKOMETER (Just how cheesy is it?)

[part title="4. Shred"] Offences: a) Excessive bong usage b) 'yo, sick bs boardslide on that 1 foot high red rail!'

WHACKOMETER (Just how cheesy is it?)

[part title="5. Out Cold"]

Offences:

a) The phrase "strap 'em in"

b) Excessive sounds effects

c) Flex Alexander's character Anthony has been riding for at least 4 seasons and can't get down a 25° slope without going into a full blown scorpion - what's really going on here?

WHACKOMETER (Just how cheesy is it?)

[part title="6. Extreme Days"]

Offences:

a) Really budget guy wearing swimming goggles

b)'OMG that was like the best snowboard paintball war we've ever had!' - cringe

+1 for having Rufio from Hook in there though...

WHACKOMETER (Just how cheesy is it?)

[part title="7. Extreme Ops"]

Offences:

a) Ridiculous concept of powder riding and cliff drops at night...

b) Apparently reliant on moonlight even though it's cloudy

c) Sound FX overkill

WHACKOMETER (Just how cheesy is it?)

[part title="8. Switch (2007)"]

Offences:

- Skip to 2:04

"Shit..."

"Shit man, shit man boogie..."

WHACKOMETER (Just how cheesy is it?)

[part title="9. Queen Latifah's Last Holiday"]

Offences:

-The Most chill 'Black Diamond' ever

+1 For pissing off skiers though

WHACKOMETER (Just how cheesy is it?)

[part title="10. Jackie Chan in First Strike"]

Offences:

Jackie manages to get out of his bindings without touching the straps

+1 For improv

WHACKOMETER (Just how cheesy is it?)

[part title="11. White Air"]

Offences:

a) Most cliched story line in history

b) Tapping someone else's board mid aerial doesn't deserve a triple replay

c) Shit trash talk - "better stick to the rails"

WHACKOMETER (Just how cheesy is it?)

[part title="12. xXx"]

Offences:

a) Vin Diesel launching an avalanche on himself

b) Unexplained terrain changes

c) Speeding up the tape

WHACKOMETER (Just how cheesy is it?)

[part title="13. Silver Wolf"]

Offences:

a) the most dramatic back 3 ever (2.06)

b) the worst possible thing to happen after a 20 ft cliff drop (3.02)

WHACKOMETER (Just how cheesy is it?)