04/12/2013 | by Sam Oetiker
THIS JUST IN: growing numbers of staff who will be working at the forthcoming Sochi 2014 winter Olympics have been admitted to hospital after images of the official uniform (which they will HAVE to wear), emerged.
Prospective Olympic staff members horrified at the thought of having such a garment in their possession have been falling ill all across Russia, with symptoms ranging from minor stress-induced headaches to full-blown panic attacks (which have led to several suicide attempts).
Onboard have attempted to contact the individuals who signed off above uniform to ask them why they thought outerwear that looks like it has been thrown up on by a overly enthusiastic unicorn on acid would be a good idea. Sadly, they have refused to comment.
Ethan Morgan is equally at risk of falling ill after shots of the German uniform emerged. Here’s a shot of it from Halldor Helgason’s Instagram:
@ETHANMORGAN91 YOUR GOING TO LOOK BEAUTIFUL IN THE OLYMPICS… #STEEZYCHEESE #OLYMPICS #GERMANY #RAINBOWS #SOCHI2014 #TRAINING #HAHA!