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The Sochi 2014 Staff Uniforms - Look, a Unicorn on Acid Threw Up On Them

12:48 7th November 2013 by Sam Oetiker
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Yes. These things will have to be worn by ACTUAL human beings. Photo: Sochi 2014

THIS JUST IN: growing numbers of staff who will be working at the forthcoming Sochi 2014 winter Olympics have been admitted to hospital after images of the official uniform (which they will HAVE to wear), emerged.

Prospective Olympic staff members horrified at the thought of having such a garment in their possession have been falling ill all across Russia, with symptoms ranging from minor stress-induced headaches to full-blown panic attacks (which have led to several suicide attempts).

Onboard have attempted to contact the individuals who signed off above uniform to ask them why they thought outerwear that looks like it has been thrown up on by a overly enthusiastic unicorn on acid would be a good idea. Sadly, they have refused to comment.

Ethan Morgan is equally at risk of falling ill after shots of the German uniform emerged. Here’s a shot of it from Halldor Helgason’s Instagram:

@ETHANMORGAN91 YOUR GOING TO LOOK BEAUTIFUL IN THE OLYMPICS… #STEEZYCHEESE #OLYMPICS #GERMANY #RAINBOWS #SOCHI2014 #TRAINING #HAHA!

halldor instagramWhat will the Americans go for? Please let it just be the Captain America lycra suit. Please.

  1. Brandon

    American’s already came out, Ralph Lauren made them. They’re pretty corny too though.

    1. Sam Oetiker

      Ah, shame. Cap America would have been the tits.

  2. kurt

    Ralph Lauren did US ski team. Burton hasn’t announced U.S. snowboarding.

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