23/08/2006 | by Onboard
“Put this in your micro pipe and smoke it” Circa 1999.
This is perhaps the funniest correspondence that we have received at the Onboard office in years and is well deserving of a place in our Letter from America page. Within Al’s parcel of laughs he included a photo, a book entitled ‘Mr. Stupid’s Thoughts On Life’ and a rejection letter from Harvard University. If we had a job going for Al Engelhart we would employ him in a blink of an eye.
Correspondence from Al Engelhart
I just wanted to remind you that your magazine is quality and that I’d like to work for it. I am currently building the snowboard park at Stowe, VT, and designing a couple of t-shirts for Airblaster but if something opens at Onboard I can drop everything. I’ll work for free!
Enclosed is a book I wrote in high school and an old shred photo (proof that I’ve always sucked at boarding).
Live to ride. Shred or die.
Mr. Engelhart included a reply that he had received from Harvard University in his correspondence to us in which the aforementioned academic facility turned him down for a place on their Undergraduate Degree Program. His pencil scrawled sign off says it all.
Dear Mr. Engelhart
The purpose of this correspondence is to update you on the status of your application to the Undergraduate Degree Program at Harvard University. Your application remains pending because your cumulative grade point average (GPA) of 1.90 is below the minimum required for admission. Your application will remain pending until your GPA reaches the 2.5 minimum.
Blah, blah, blah
Best wishes for a successful 2000-1 academic year (hand written by Albert: “GO FUCK YOURSELF)
Exerpts from Al’s rather politically incorrect book ‘Mr. Stupid’s Thoughts On Life’.
My Thoughts on Lesbians
I (being a horny teenager that I am) have always been amazed by Lesbians, whether I see them in a movie or in a quality magazine… I think that every girl is a little bit of a lesbian. I mean, they are always touching each other, giving each other hugs and even sometimes kissing. They also judge each other like, “Oh she’s kinda cute”, or “she has nice breasts”.
My Thoughts on Retarded Kids
I love how wiseasses make fun of real retarded people thinking that the retarded person doesn’t know that they are talking about them. Everyone knows when someone is talking behind their back or making fun of them just by how a person looks at you and starts to laugh.
All in all I think that retarded kids have fun with themselves because it’s almost like they’re in their own little world. Sometimes I think I am retarded.
You’re damn right about that Al…